I used to make these mixed cassettes titled Season’s Beatings every Christmas and give them out to friends. I stopped making these for a few years for a million reasons. However, none of those reasons exist and so I have started up again. The best part about all of this is not having to dub one copy after another. I can just upload them to a share site and give you assholes the link. Consider this my way of giving back to you the reader. Unlike a fruitcake, you don’t have to wonder what to do with it if you don’t like it. You can simply delete the files.
Archive for December, 2011
Christmas is the celebration of the Christian savior Jesus Christ’s birthday. It is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration of the new savior and king of humanity. To me, Jesus is a spoiled brat or total rich kid. I mean he’s the son of God. God being some omnipotent being that supposedly created man. Now, before you everyone starts getting their panties in a bunch, let me explain.
Jesus was born unto a poor carpenter, Joseph and a very young virgin named Mary in a stable due to there being some occupancy issues at the inn. Three Kings showed up and gave him presents of gold, frankincense and myrrh. I don’t know what the stock market rates for these things were back then, but gold is gold and it has always been valuable. I don’t know anyone who had random strangers give them gold for being born, let alone aromatic resins that are good for lowering glucose, better digestion and healthy skin. Later in life he worked with his step-dad as a carpenter and, as most scholars will agree, was a Rabbi. The legend is that he did all this neat shit with bread and wine, became king of the jews, died in a horrific manner for the sake of atonement, rose from the dead and went to heaven.
Now that we have the basics covered, lets get into how he was a spoiled brat:
His dad is technically the head honcho. I’ve never heard of god having a boss or someone above him. If this were Middle-Eastern polytheism, I would bring up that there was a god eater (his name was Unas, by the way); but this is not the case. So, Junior is like the second in command.
The whole world celebrates this guy’s birthday in some way shape or form. Sure, a lot of it is for the wrong reasons, but whatever. I cannot say that for anyone, including Elvis or Don Magic Juan.
Jesus likes to play off this shit about him dying for atonement. He died so that the sins of man could be cleansed and we could all be forgiven. But he didn’t really die, his ass came back for Easter and he probably mooned the Roman’s on his way to Heaven. It was all a scam as far as I am concerned. The only other scam that comes close to this is what the banks and global corporations are doing to the world now, and that is with a huge margin in-between. Let’s face it, if god were a working class sort of guy, old J.C. would still be rotting in a box. My dad never bailed me out of a jam. I had to figure it out myself.
This whole turning water into wine sounds a lot like some rich kid buying a round for the entire bar. Who the fuck do you know that rolls like that? Then he feeds the five thousand and bangs a whore. That’s some serious clout going on. Some would say he was ” straight up ballin’ ”
He was also “The King of The Jews”. Need I say anymore?
So why do we celebrate this day? Who are we really honoring? Do we even really honor ourselves? It seems to me like it has always been one big marketing scam either financially or religiously.
Gift giving with sentiment is a dying art form. Honestly, I’d rather receive a random gift on a Tuesday than on a date mandated by some archaic hotshot in the sky. The story of Jesus reads like an episode of the Maury Povich Show to me. “You are not the father, Joseph. Your thirteen year old bride, according to this test, was knocked up by a strange deity in the sky. This could also be the work of George Lucas and his midichlorians, but again, you are not the father!”
Everyday should be Christmas, for the same reasons I think everyday should be Halloween. Be yourself, enjoy life and if you are going to show appreciation and affection; do it on your terms as you feel you should. Putting nativity scenes and running up your electricity bills isn’t going to get you into heaven any faster. Let’s keep it real in the new year and do things right way, with sincerity.