It should come as no surprise that Hollywood will rehash or make movies of anything that they can and will get their hands on. It’s almost as though all the idea men have gone on hiatus and left the monkeys in charge of the zoo. Which I guess is fine, considering I could normally not give a rat’s ass. However, what bothers me is that they are making a movie based on the most mundane game this side of 1985: Battleship.
Playing Battleship was nowhere near as exciting as the commercials made it out to be. Even if you had the deluxe edition that made noise, it was still more fun to stare directly in the sun and huff paint all day than to actually play Battleship. All the little red and white pegs could not even be melted down into something remotely cool if you tried; that’s how boring Battleship was. So to make a movie about this would take some serious work. Here is what we are given.
Obviously, I missed a love affair and HUGE ALIEN ROBOTS. Also, Lliam Neeson never ever showed up when Battleship was busted out in my youth, ever.
I really don’t see how this has anything to do with the game or how it is even inspired by the game other than that there are naval battleships involved. A friend recently told me to shut up and quit bitching till I thought of a better idea. Within 10 seconds I had a plot for a movie that not only involved the game, but was just as exciting.
“A down on his luck former naval cook tries his best to come up with a way to save his sinking but lovable neighborhood bar from being foreclosed on by the bank. Inspired one night after stepping on his son’s board game piece, he hosts a night for attractive lesbians to play strip battleship. The night becomes a hit, our hero’s bar is saved and lesbians make out everywhere.”
This plot makes more sense than Lliam Neeson Vs. The Transformers movie that we are presented with.
What bothers me is that not only does Hollywood think that the general public is comprised of stupid fools that will consume whatever is pushed upon them, but they prove it time and again. The majority of people out there will eat whatever shit you put in front of them with a smile.
So is the next Human Centipede movie really based on Connect 4? Because I’ll just sit that out as well.